You can catch up on the Mommy, Come Home series here.
I was very excited to hear from these next two ladies. In a season of life I have not yet reached, they shed some light on a topic I’ve been pondering a lot lately: what will I do when my children are all in school?
Do we need the money that my own teaching income would bring to our family? Sure. I know there will be braces and athletic equipment and prom dresses and college tuition in our too near future. However, can we afford for me to work? It’s about so much more than money for our family.
While we have at least a few years to make our decision, Jennifer and Stephanie have made theirs: they are Staying the Course.
Here’s Jennifer story, from her blog, Getting Ahead.
…the more I think about this series, the more I think, for me anyway, it is more about “Mommy Stay Home”. For the first time in 11 years I will be sending all my kids to school and will have a few hours each day to myself…
…The second people find out that we won’t be homeschooling anymore and all the kids will be in school this year they ask me if I am going to get a job. I want to scream “I have a job!” but I don’t. I just laugh and say “Now why would I want to do that.”…
…My kids need me to be home. I need to be there to put them on the bus, to get them off the bus, to volunteer in their classrooms, to pack their lunches, to be available when they get sick, to have a snack ready when they get home, to keep the house running smoothly, to take some of the burden off of Kevin, to make our evenings and weekends more relaxing…
…If I were working outside the home, who would cook the meals? Who would take care of the yard? Who would process and can quart after quart of garden harvests to eat all winter?… Who would clean the house? Who would do the laundry? Who would take a sick child to the doctor? Who would get the kids to their sports after school?…
…People wonder what I will do all day. I wonder how I will fit it all in each day…
Hop on over to read the rest of Jennifer’s story. Her family’s situation especially resonates with me because her husband, like mine, is a teacher. They are choosing to thrive on one teacher’s salary. I have so much respect for that!
The following is a guest post by Stephanie. Stephanie doesn’t have a blog, so please leave all of your comment love for her right here. Stephanie’s pride in her homemaking, mothering vocation makes me want to shout “You go, girl!”
I have a confession to make. I am a stay-at-home mother of three school-aged children. I don’t home school, so that means I’m home, alone, from roughly 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., Monday through Friday during the school year. Know what else? Lord willing, I don’t plan on returning to a regular 9-5 type job any time soon, if at all. Yes, I am a modern day June Cleaver and I love it!
Now, do I have any guesses as to how many raised eyebrows and blank stares I get when I tell people that I’m happily one of those relics known as a homemaker? Well, I’m not really counting, but I do catch some flak, not because I’m a SAHM, but because I’m still at home when my children are 11, 10 and 7 years old. It seems that society thinks being a SAHM is fine when the children are birth to age 5, but unjustifiable once they are in school full-time.
The call of home rings much clearer when you are in the thick of diapers, feedings and the neediness of little ones. However, as our children grow and become less dependent, it’s easy to lose sight of why we came home in the first place. People wonder what we SAHMs do all day long in a lonely, empty house. I mean, how much cooking and cleaning can one person do? Surely the children are old enough now to spend a little time in before and/or after school child care. Wouldn’t all that “free” time be better spent at a job that provides a real salary?
The answer, for us, was a big NO. We sacrificed my very good salary nine years ago so that our children didn’t have to be in daycare, so that we could be the main influences on them. This doesn’t change when they go to school all day. Why would I want them in latchkey programs? Even worse, why would I want my pre-teen coming home to an empty house when issues like drugs and running with the wrong crowd are all too real? Further, what about summer vacation, sick days, snow days, early release days, and all of the other holidays? No worries for us, I’m home.
Ladies, I encourage those of you who think you might want to be a “career” SAHM to stay the course, but you need to prayerfully and thoughtfully think it through. First, hubby needs to be on board with the decision. He will be the main, if not only, provider and that can be stressful for him. Talk with him often about your family’s goals and future. Secondly, you need to embrace your homemaking role as a career. Tending to my home and all that that entails is my job and I treat it every bit as seriously as I did when I worked outside the home. My husband and children enjoy a tidy house, good meals and a welcoming haven – it’s my job to provide that for them. Lastly, unless your husband makes a sizeable income, forget about keeping up with the Joneses. Moms, if you really feel that you need a little mad money, get creative. Start an on-line business, take in some work you can do at home. Me, I’m a substitute lunch aide at my kids’ elementary school. I work only when I want to and I can check up on my kids (sneaky mom!).
One final comment, surround yourself with like-minded women, if you can. Being a homemaker can be a lonely profession these days. Remember a generation or two ago when women, like my mother and mother-in-law, married and become homemakers before they even had children? Their husbands and households were their main priorities. Homemaking worked for them; it was a noble profession. I model myself after their example. I truly believe that being a homemaker is God’s calling for my life. I knew when I made the decision to come home; it was right and likely forever.
Sage advice from two very wise women. Thank you, Jennifer and Stephanie, for sharing your stories with us!
So, dear reader, are your children still home? Will your “career” change as your children grow? I know my husband and I have a lot of thinking and praying to do. I need to take 8 college credit hours to renew my teaching certificate before next fall. Hmmmm…
No post could have been more timely for me! This is the first school year that both of my girls are in school from 8am-3pm and I have found myself in a total quandry. It seems everyone outside of our family has expectations that I will be returning to work, at least part-time. However, my husband and I are committed to my being available for the kids during summers, school vacations, on sick days, etc., and we don’t feel that a traditional J-O-B, even part-time, will allow for that flexibility.
I have been doing lots of praying, both for direction and for peace. We can make it financially on just my husband’s income; whatever money I would make would be for extras (vacations, retirement/college funds, etc.) I would love to find a way to work from home just to earn a bit of money, but nothing seems to have presented itself yet. I am hoping to use what time I have now during the day to prepare healthier meals and snacks for our family as well as get and keep the house organized and tidy. Between grocery shopping, errands and such, there’s not as much free time as you may think!
Sorry to be so long-winded – guess you can tell I’m neck-deep in the middle of this!
I am a SAHM and I love it! My son is in school from 8:45 am to 3:20pm, which leaves me with my days free. I use that time to grocery shop using ad’s, specials, and coupons to save as much money as possible. I cook in bulk so that my family has good wholesome foods to eat if I’m not available. I gather groups of other SAHM’s to get together and strengthen each other. But most importantly my son knows that I am always available if something goes wrong while he is away from home I can be there anytime. My mom was a SAHM and that had a tremendous impact on the choices I made. I frimly believe staying home (whenever possible) is the most important thing we can do for our familes.
Also I LOVE this blog!!!!
Thanks!
I am so inspired! I am already a SAHM of 2 children under 4, but this post has been an encouragement to treat my role as a profession. Thank you.
I completely agree! I am not a SAHM, I am CEO of the home:-) And I don’t plan a job change anytime soon:-)
Though Jason and I just recently made the life choice for me to stay home, we discussed it continually during our 18 months of dating before getting married. Right off the bat, when we knew our relationship was really heading to “forever”, we started talking about it and became determined to figure out a way to make it happen. Though I’m staying home mostly for the one child I have and for our future children, we want this to be where I remain even after they’re all in school. It’s so great to hear the stories from Jennifer and Stephanie showing us that we really won’t be bored when we don’t have kids around all day.
I had to ask my husband’s thoughts on this because it isn’t something we’ve approached yet. I stay home now with my children, ages 5, 2, and 1. The 5 year old just started K5 ALL day school this year 8 am -3pm. I still have several years before all 3 of my children will be in school FULL Time. I do not look forward to it as I will miss them desperately. (I want to homeschool but hubby isn’t on board). My husband says if financially things make sense I can continue staying home. I’m going to pray hard as I believe GOD has called me to stay home. I never thought this PRE-kids, but POST- having children I’m convinced. I do Work from home, as a ghostwriter, and it is a good income for a STAY at home mom. I believe with the kids in school I would have more time to focus and make more income. So I will continue to pray that God will allow me to be a stay at home mom even when my little ones are in school, at a very $$ private school at that. God will have to provide!
I’m just now reading my own story here — how strange to see it in print! I’m Stephanie, but go by Step. Ladies, it touches my heart to know that I inspired you. Being a SAHM is just the best “job” I’ve ever had. It’s also the hardest, yet most rewarding. Nine years ago this past June, I resigned from my 9-5 job. At my farewell speech, I held up a desk photo of my two boys (daughter wasn’t born yet) and said that my leaving was all for them. I haven’t looked back yet!
I have been reading this series and really enjoy it. I commend you for discussing this topic which can be very sensitive for some people, but it is very important. You picked 2 wonderful ladies to feature in this post. Thanks and keep it up!!!
I’ll just keep my comment short and sweet! The other day I heard Dr. Laura talk about how moms of school-aged children are still desperately needed to be home when their kids are home, welcome the kids when they get home, have hugs and snacks ready, and use all that “free time” to MAKE THEIR HOMES BEAUTIFUL! That takes a lot of time and blesses those who live in it so much!
I was just talking to a friend about this. I do still have small children at home, but my plan is to stay at home until they graduate from high school. Kids of all ages need their moms when they get home from school. They need the consistency of know there is someone to count on being there when the days are good as well as bad. It also keeps them accountable of their time and what they are doing. If they don’t come home on time then I’m going to know. If they are skipping school, they can’t come home and I’ll be there to get the call from the school. I completely agree with Stephanie. I love being a SAHM! I love being the modern day June Cleaver. Being a SAHM doesn’t keep me from leaving my house, it gives me the freedom to do more for my family!
This post is also very timely for me. Our youngest just entered school, although it is just a half day at this point. I’m constantly asked if I will be finding a job. I can honestly say, though, that I will always be a SAHM! I have no desire to change that. I truly feel as if God has called me here, basically for all of the points already mentioned. When I was working, if one child became sick–or if the babysitter was sick, I was having to take off and worry about upsetting my bosses. I don’t have to worry about that now. My main focus through the day is my HOME..and every detail that entails. There is absolutely no way that I could work a full time job and still be able to create healthy meals , or a relaxing, and peaceful home.
Great points ladies–and a fantasic post!
When I get the urge to “do more with myself” I remember a wise woman’s advice: Are you serving the needs of your husband, daughter and self? Is your relationship with God growing? Is your life peaceful? If the answer is yes then continue to pursue if an extra activity is right for you.
But remember if the Devil can’t make you bad he will make you busy!
Amy, I am loving this “series!” I posted on Jennifer’s blog already, but it was refreshing to read this…this year, my middle son started all day K, so I have 2 in school & one left at home..it seems for the past month everyone, including my husband, is asking me when I am going back to work! I believe wholeheartedly that the best place for me is at home, even when they are all 3 in school FT (which, sob sob, is only a few more years away!!!) I am hoping that my husband will be agreeable to me just subbing PT at the boys school to supplement for at least awhile…with 3 kids busy schedules a few years from now, I just don’t see how I could work FT.
Step, it was wonderful to read your post here. It is such an encouragement to know that other women are staying home too, even when the kids are in school. I have heard before that it is more important than ever to be home as the kids get older and I believe it. They almost seem to need me more now, than when they were smaller.
It’s beautiful to hear other moms choosing to stay home.
Being a homemaker IS a noble profession! I’ve been a WAHM/SAHM mom since my daughter was an infant. She’s a teenager now. Also, four years ago, I made the decision to homeschool her. She has NLD, and public and private schools were not meeting her educational needs. Being here for her is far more important than having a new car or living in a larger home. I think it’s all about priorities.
Jane
I want to stay home so badly, but my job provides our health insurance and my husband has his own business. It would be hard if not impossible for us to buy our own health care since he has lots of health problems. This makes me sad every day and I am hoping and praying some kind of health care reform happens, I’d be happy to pay for the health care if we could get it, I am not asking for freebies!
I guess my point is, it is really a blessing to be able to stay home and I am glad most people on this forum recognize that.
@Jen, Health insurance seems to be a deciding factor for many families. So unfortunate!
We’ve always paid our own health insurance, because the policies offered to teachers (at least at the schools we’ve taught at) are more expensive than paying out of pocket. I hate seeing that $550 premium leave my account each month, but I’m learning… we are blessed! We enjoy good health, and I’m not taking that for granted.
I’ve just found your blog and have been back-reading some of your SAHM posts. I have two preschoolers that I currently stay home with. But I quit my job to stay at home before my hubby and I had kids. Nor was I pregnant. That, I think is an even more foreign concept than staying at home with kids in school.
I certainly got my fair share of blank stares and snide remarks about “becoming a woman of leisure”. And people always asked “What do you do all day?” I serve my husband. I make my home a pleasant and relaxing place to be. I spend time doing things I enjoy, so I don’t resent my future children for keeping me from doing the things I want to do. I work on being a better wife and prepare for being a mommy.
I still have trouble coming up with an answer to “What do you do all day?” now that we have kids. Sometimes its because I don’t have enough time in the day to list all the things I do. Sometimes its because I know people will zone-out when I list the numerous tedious and uninspiring things I do all day. But mostly its because, if they are not a SAHM, they just don’t get it and they never will, no matter what I say.
We intend to homeschool when our kids get to be that age. And we hope to continue adding to our family, which is also strange to many people. So I know we will continue to get stares and looks of judgement for many years to come.
At the end of the day, I don’t have to worry about if I’m doing the right thing. I am doing what God has made me for. And he will give me the strength to do it, no matter how counter-culture it is.
@Nicole, you are so right! The homemaker before children truly is a foreign concept today.
Good for you and your husband, following your heart to what’s right for your family!
Wow. I have been really enjoying this series and find it so encouraging, motivating and reassuring!
When I read about surrounding yourself with like minded individuals, I thought “Thank you Lord for this series and also for the support of the SAHM blogging world”!
I agree wholeheartedly! For me and my husband, having a homemaker in the household is about balance: maintaining good quality of life (and good quality time) at home in the face of my husband’s extremely hectic work schedule. When we see the stress and frustration two-income families cope with, we feel downright spoiled. We’re so glad we made this choice, and we definitely intend to “stay the course,” for that reason, and so many others already mentioned.