If you’re new to the Mommy, Come Home series, you may want to catch up here. Welcome!
I had such a hard time summarizing this transformative post by Kate. My thoughts are still jumbled and plenty, but they include the fact that sometimes it’s not just about the money.
When determining to be a stay-at-home mom, yes, you must be responsible with your financial situation. But, the decision must also include answering the question “Who am I?” Kate does that beautifully.
…I was 5 months pregnant with Alex when I was offered a promotion at the title insurance company where I was working. With the promotion came my own office and a company car. I was a driven worker bee and I swooned at the opportunity…
…My 4 weeks was going to be over soon and I really needed to find a day care for him. But there was something holding me back. I don’t think I was willing to admit that my loyalty to my job was swiftly being replaced by the love of my kids. After all, I had this wonderful job! It “fulfilled” me…
…Except it didn’t anymore…
…After figuring in the costs of daycare and other work-related expenses, I would only be earning $300 per month. Seriously?…
…So what if I had to give up my office, my title and those all important business cards? I’d make my home a beautiful and comfortable place to spend my days. My new title would be the best ever. And I wouldn’t need a business card to tell anyone who I was. That would be obvious all on its own…
Please go finish reading Kate’s post here. Some will see it as a story of sacrifice. I think Kate would see it as doing what works for her and never wanting it any other way.
So, tell me. When making your decision to come home was it just about the money? What else did you sacrifice? How did you make that work for you?
Don’t miss these post from the Mommy, Come Home series.
- My Story
- Get on Board
- The Cost of Working
- A Solid Beginning
- Hire Yourself
- Learning to Live on One Income
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I was a teacher, and because I went on maternity leave in the middle of the year with my first child, the rest of that year didn’t count toward my two years leave (without pay, of course). So, I basically had two and a half years, and could go back to a teaching position of their choice. I was a tenured teacher, something I worked hard for in a very esteemed school district, where tenure wasn’t given out freely. But when I became a mother I knew I had to be home for my child, not be there for everyone elses. Yes, the transition from two full time salaries down to one was a big one, and it took a good few years to get used to (and some creative money “juggling”). My husband was (and is) always willing to coach another sport or umpire more baseball games! There will always be a need for teachers…an opportunity will be provided, God willing, I’m sure. But for now I’m able to be there for my children, to see their shows at school, be home with them when they’re sick, drive them to and from school, etc. My oldest can’t understand the concept of me having a life before her…I ran into a former student of mine in Target last week who I had in fifth grade, and he is now 6foot 5inches and plays football for Penn State. He explained to my daughter that I was his teacher and he was remembering the whole class came to my wedding that year, and she became very possessive. She swiftly (and somewhat politely) said, “That was before she had me, and, well, she’s MY mommy, and she’s MY teacher now”. I can see why my identity can sometimes get lost in the shuffle. But I have my full-time employed friends that quickly remind me of the flip side to my life now…and there’s no doubt it’s the best decision for us.
God made it quite obvious that He wanted me to stay home with my kids. After my husband and I got married I moved , of course, to where he lived, which was a different town from where I lived. I quit my job thinking I would just get another one easily. Not so. I applied to many different places and NEVER heard back from any of them. First I started to think I was stupid, but then realized it wasn’t God’s plan for me to work. I only came into the marriage with the debt of my truck but realized that it would have to go as the payment was the amount of half our rent. My husband had no debt and so we were able to start our marriage off debt free and budget within the means of what he and he alone was making. We’ve been married 13 years now and have 3 kids and budgeting our money kept us going through a year of him being laid off and his salary being cut in half.
God is good. He proved Himself to us over and over again. Just when we didn’t think we’d have money for groceries, an anonymous gift card to our grocery store would appear in the mail. He knows our hearts and cares for us so much!
I love this serious. It’s just blessing my socks off!
Hugs.
Kim
When I came home full time we decided we needed to sell our home. We now rent, and I have to say that was an ego adjustment for a time! We had been homeowners for many years and at this point it looks like we won’t be home owners again for many more. Now that the economy has taken a nose dive, I can see that God was graciously preparing us for it. The money was a major factor, but honestly our budget didn’t work out on paper(and it still doesn’t). It was a leap of faith, and God has truly cared for us always. We have never gone without what we need, and we often have abundantly more!
My decision would have been swayed heavily the other way if it was about money-I have a lot more earning potential than my husband does at this point. I had just finished my M.S. in school psychology a couple years prior to having our first child and I had a super flexible position along with a great boss who thought I was wonderful. But it was about priorities and this new love of my life! Plus it was a priority to my husband as well-who disliked his job but wanted to have a mommy home with his children and I appreciate his sacrifice very much. I’m so glad I did come home, too.
I have no skills to make more money then my husband and he doesn’t have the best job in the world either. But if I was able to, I think I’d make him stay home.
Thanks for doing this series!!!! My husband and I both desire to have kids, but want me to be able to stay at home with them. Right now we think we’re still a little ways from being able to do that on his salary, so I’m still working. We’re praying that God will soon provide for us (through my husband’s salary) so that our dreams can come true!
Believe it or not, I was a shoe-in for a promotion and two weeks away from the final interview when I decided to resign and stay home with my boys instead. I made very good money in a position that could have easily taken me into retirement. On the surface, it seemed quite foolish for me to give up such a good job and the money, so why did I?
Well, the tug of home pulled at me since I was a teenager in high school. I always wanted to be a homemaker — always. As a result, even though my former career was very lucrative and my co-workers wonderful, I hated my job. It didn’t fulfill me at all. I couldn’t wait to finish the day and come home. After I had children, these feelings were amplified and I would actually be in tears after work some days. It was so clear to me that home was where I was supposed to be. Being a homemaker is the only career I want or need.
While there were many sacrifices that had to be made financially in order for me to stay home, it was all a heart decision. God had gifted me with this beautiful, incredible, perfect little being. How could I hand her over to someone else to raise while I went off to work?
Yes, we had to go down to one car and have been that way since. Yes, we had to re-assess our “ideal” housing situation. Yes, I had to “super” coupon in order to eat. Yes, I had to learn to cook from scratch in order to further eat when my daughter was diagnosed with Celiac. Yes, I had to get creative to find ways to save money by line-drying, using up everything we could, buying thrift, consignment &/or garage sales. Yes, I started using cloth to save money; and even making some of them myself.
Every sacrifice we have made has been worth every minute I’ve got to spend with my children. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Amy
Another great edition:-)
It wasn’t a decision for us. Both my husband and I had SAHMs and we knew it was what we wanted for our family. I never had much ambition in the work place, and didn’t find it very fulfilling. I find being a mother is a much better job than any other I could ever have. It’s hard, though, because my husband is a student, and will be attending medical school next year. However, over the last year since I had my daughter, we have been blessed in numerous ways, and although we’ve had to make sacrifices, everything has worked out in the end.
I always wanted to be a SAHM. I seriously doubted that I would ever be on. We adopted our daugter from China. I had planned to return to work after coming home with our daughter. I never thought we could make it on one salary.
God had different plans. Three months before receiving notification that we had a 7 months old daughter waiting for us my company closed the office in my city.
I didn’t return to work right away because I didn’t think it was fair to start a new job and then take off a month to go to China and then settle home. Once returning home I knew that I would never return to work.
There have been many sacrifices. We rarely eat out, shop for groceries with coupons and sale flyers. Most of my daughter’s clothes are hand me downs or from consignment shops.
All the sacrifices are worth it with every kiss I receive all day long.
I am in the exact opposite position because of the economy. I have been a stay at home mom since January of 2007 – I did take some classes but that really doesn’t count, they just got me a little ‘me’ time. I really enjoy being home and really don’t miss working much. We were making about $70,000 when I quit. Our income went down to about 50,000. Later that year my husband’s union went on strike, so we went down to $700 a week to live on. We were able to pay all our bills and were still ok – which was good, because I was like 6 months pregnant when the almost 6 month strike began. There was no way I was going to be able to go get a job. lol.
Hubby ended up getting a new job where he worked 7pm-7am on Fridays-Sundays – 36 hours but got paid for 40. This worked out great, because he ended up spending a lot more time with his family. We took a paycut then too, because there was no overtime. So, we went down to about $42000 a year. We were still ok though. We cut costs, learned to be frugal, and it was good.
In March hubby was laid off. He has been looking since then but there really isn’t much around here for him. He’s a cnc and manual machinist and right now companies just aren’t hiring for this. So, a few weeks before my classes ended for the semester in May , I started sending out my resumes. I swear I sent out more than 50 of them, and only got interviews for about 6. It really is a tough time to be looking for a job. I was qualified for most of these, if not over qualified.
So, I finally did land a job and it pays decent. It really is something that should be very interesting. I will be communicating with teenagers with disabilities by using social media like blogs, twitter and facebook, who are transitioning into the workplace or to college. They also made it a fulltime job and I will also be working with their new database. It will be an adjustment I am sure, but a necessary one. At least one of us will be with the kids at all time, and if he does get called back to work, we will only need a sitter on Fridays to watch the kids while he is sleeping. And the kids are now almost 3 and 2 (also have an 11 yr old), so it’s not like they are little babies anymore and I will be missing their firsts.