Comments on: Mommy, Come Home: Caring for a Parent

By: Amy

Amy — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:19:31 +0000

@stacy, I can't fathom. How tiring and frustrating for you and your family. Your family is blessed to have you!

By: stacy

stacy — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 22:01:00 +0000

I can very much relate to this post. I have cared for my 74 yo mother for the past 3 yrs even though she stays in her own apartment to allow her to have some independence. I work fulltime and have a family. All I can say is that it’s extremely exhausting. I would love to stop working to take care of everyones needs…unfortunately my dh got laid off in the spring from his teaching job and I am the sole provider…

By: Susie's Homemade

Susie's Homemade — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 00:56:52 +0000

I haven’t seen that movie. I think I stayed away from it on purpose but now that I have this cargiving thing under control, I may be able to enjoy it for what it was intended.

By: Amy Green - Simply Sugar & Gluten-Free

Amy Green - Simply Sugar & Gluten-Free — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 03:02:22 +0000

I wanted to move home when my dad was sick and help my mom take care of him but he insisted that I stay in Dallas. He wanted me to live my own life, which I’m grateful for. If my mom wouldn’t have been there or had been unable to care for him that would have been a whole different story.

Has anyone seen One True Thing with Renee Zelleweger and Meryl Streep? It’s my favorite – the daughter (Renee) moves home to take care of her mom who has cancer (Meryl). If you haven’t seen it, it’s must.

By: unfinishedmom

unfinishedmom — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 19:55:38 +0000

I can relate, but on a much shorter time-frame. I quit working to stay home full-time in June of ’06. The following fall, in October ’07, my 79 year old father had an extended illness. The following Spring (’08) he had open heart surgery and a difficult recovery. Then in Fall ’08 he had a stroke was hospitalized and then a few weeks later had another stroke. He spent 5 weeks in 3 different hospitals before he passed away in mid-November. I have never been so grateful that I didn’t have a full-time job to worry about as I was during those weeks when he was in the hospital. My sister or I went to the hospital every day to be with him and talk to the doctors and nurses about his current condition. In the 5 weeks he was in the hospital he changed rooms (including the ER where he went originally) 9 times. Nine sets of nurses, nurses aides, procedures, etc. to learn his history, his needs, his preferences.

It was exhausting. But I am SOOOOO glad I was home to be able to be with him. I have no real regrets about that time period.

By: Amy

Amy — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 18:55:20 +0000

Wow. Truly sacrificial living. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m certain that there is a special place in heaven for those of you who lovingly care for your older family members in difficult circumstances. Blessings to you!

By: Step

Step — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:17:32 +0000

Not there yet, but will be very soon with dh’s parents I think. They are 74 and 69 and seem to be slowing down these days. We’re seeing what we think might be early signs of alzheimer’s in FIL and MIL just had a bad bout with a blood clot in her leg last year. It’s only a matter of time.

I was born to my parents when they were later in life, so I did take care of them when they both became ill. My parents also took care of my maternal grandmother when I was a young girl and my great aunt (gma’s sister) lived with us for my entire life and then she lived with me after my parents passed until her death at age 86. Caregiving is tough work physically and emotionally, but so worth it in my opinion. Nursing homes were just not the right option for us, plus these are the people who raised, nutured and cared for us until adulthood and beyond. We feel it’s a blessing to be able to do this for our parents. Not for everyone, though. Like I said, extremely hard work.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:42:01 +0000

Great post. We are not in that position yet. But we have realized recently that we might be soon and unfortunately our parents are all in CO and we are in OH. Dh’s parents are in their late 60′s and his dad had a minor stroke last week. He had a clot in his knee that he threw causing the stroke. He seems to be fine now, but it scared us. We have decided to bump up our emergency fund by a couple of thousand to cover any unexpected trips back west if needed. We want to be there if our parents need us and it might be sooner rather than later, although I hope not.

By: Liz

Liz — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:57:11 +0000

@Liz, I forgot to mention that my hubby's 87yo grandmother just moved in next door so I will be "helping" her out now. She's very healthy and has her wits about her so, it won't be anything like caring for my great-aunt who needed help with everything from dressing, to eating and toileting. I do realize that grandma's health will eventually fail but, who knows, right? No sense worrying about the future. Things will work out and it really is a gift to be able to care for a loved one. It really struck me in caring for my aunt how unrewarding it can be in the moment. She needed SO MUCH care and she didn't know enough anymore to even be grateful. Unlike kids, she never learned or got better or grew. A lot of times, the doctors visits and little things just seemed fruitless. We tried to focus on good times and are always glad for the holidays we had together and the laughs. The weird things like her busting into our bedroom and turning on the lights at 3 in the morning and saying she's late for work or always taking my hubby's underwear out of the laundry. I think the experience helps me appreciate my kids more. I do think also that the rewards of caring for her were awesome, they just weren't immediately apparent. Not as obvious as with kids but, very worthwhile.

By: Liz

Liz — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:44:03 +0000

For me, it was the other way around. My parents were caring for my 85 year old aunt who has severe memory loss due to dementia. They needed respite so my husband and I took my aunt in and cared for her. I went part-time at my job and quickly realized that she needed full time care. So I quit. I was at a point in my career where I was sure to advance but, I still quit. None of my coworkers could believe or support the choice that I made. I got a lot of confused questions. They even offered to hold my job. I learned a LOT of patience in the 3 years she was with us. I learned how to be a housewife. How to make the most of being home, I also learned that I wanted a family and didn’t have that strange adjustment period that many new mothers go through in coming home. So now, 7 years later, I have two wonderful preschoolers who I stay home with and plan to stay home forever at this point. I’m grateful every day for this opportunity.