One of the daunting aspects of breastfeeding has to be What will I do when I go back to work?  Will pumping work for me? 

When I went back to teaching, it was only from 7-11 am, and I never had to pump at school, so I’m no help here.  Christy, however, knows her stuff. 

Time Management Tips for Pumping Breast Milk at Work

I am returning to work as a teacher after having my second child. I pumped at work until my first was one and plan on doing it again. Here are my tips for pumping at work:

• Buy the expensive pump. Pumping 2-4 times a day on a tight schedule demands an efficient pump. It is worth the investment.
• Pump and freeze as much as you can while on maternity leave.
• Both of my boys took to bottles that happen to screw right onto my pump. I pump directly into the bottles, saving me a transferring step.
• I keep masking tape and a Sharpie in my breast pump bag. I label each bottle with the date.
• I pump one side while the baby eats from the other side in the mornings. I leave the pump next to the rocker in the nursery the night before.  (That’s what I used to do!  Sounds complicated, but you’ll get in your groove.)
• Pump hands-free while at work – KellyMom has inexpensive ideas. While pumping, I do schoolwork. That’s a combined 40 minutes a day. I’d rather work while pumping than stay at school longer or have more schoolwork to do after the kids go to bed!
• If you have other items to lug to work, invest in a rolling cart. I can load my cart up with papers to grade, my laptop, my lunch, and my pump. No need to make multiple trips to the car.
• Make reminder notes. Make a checklist of everything that needs to go in the rolling cart each day. Check off what you can pack up the night before and then refer to it again in the morning for things like lunch. Put a reminder to bring your milk home somewhere at work.
• Keep nursing pads in your pump bag. Keep an extra shirt and bra at work. I use the hair-ties to pump hand-free and keep extras in my pump bag. If pumping directly into bottles, keep some breast milk storage bags in your pump bag, in case you forget bottles one day.
• If I pull from my freezer stash or I have a bottle that is about to “expire” (I label with masking tape), I put a piece of masking tape over the top of the bottle and write USE FIRST on it with a Sharpie. My day care provider knows to use this bottle(s) before the others that day (no waste).
• I invested in lots of bottles. I have enough bottles to have 4 or 5 at daycare, 4 with me, and the previous day’s bottle in the dishwasher or on the drying rack. We run the dishwasher every night or morning, no time-consuming hand washing of bottles.
• Many states have legislation regarding employers allowing you to take breaks to pump and there is also federal legislation that applies to those states that do not have their own laws. I am fortunate to work in a very family friendly environment. If your boss is giving you a hard time about pumping, research the laws.

Did you successfully pump while at works?  What tips would you add?

Christy Carden is a working mom to 2 boys. Alan is 4 in March and Samuel will be 3 months on February 23. She returns to work, teaching first graders full-time, on February 28. She loves her job and feels like it is her calling in life, but is constantly looking for ways to balance work, family, exercising (she’s a bit of an addict), and running a household.  ~ My apologies to Christy, who obviously submitted this post months ago!

Pumping Breastmilk at Work is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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I so appreciate the following candid guest post from my friend Rachel.

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“At six weeks postpartum, your body is almost back to normal, you’re feeling great, and you can resume being intimate with your husband.”

Before giving birth, I believed this! I really thought 6 weeks was the magic number.

After giving birth to an 8 pound 8 ounce baby boy which resulted in a third degree tear, healing was slow! I remember waking up exactly one week after my son was born and I was hardly able to move and wanted to cry as I was getting out of bed. Thankfully, that was the worst of it and I started progressively getting better after that day but why didn’t anyone tell me that the pain would last over a week!

Taking ibuprofen helped a little bit, but the most wonderful thing for me was a warm soak in the tub. I would soak sometimes twice a day while my husband was caring for our son; it was wonderful and I always hated to get out! I did this for several weeks just because it soothed my pain.

Before giving birth, I was told to be sure to take stool softeners. I am so thankful for the few women that were completely honest with me about this very personal issue, it’s something I never even factored in! I faithfully took the stool softeners beginning soon after my son was born and the first bowel movement wasn’t as bad as I was expecting (I honestly was more afraid about it than giving birth!) However, I was not warned about constipation which soon reared its ugly head and add to the constipation a third degree tear and you have one mama that’s in extreme pain!

I still had that magic number of 6 weeks in my head. I thought once I reach 6 weeks everything will be better. I went to my 6 week check up and was told I was healing great and everything looked wonderful! I was happy to hear that, but I still was incredibly uncomfortable and at times thought something was dreadfully wrong with me!

I was still bleeding fairly regularly, it was still uncomfortable to have a bowel movement, and I didn’t even want to think about being intimate because I was still so tender! So much for my theory of 6 weeks being the magic number where everything goes back to normal!   

Finally, around 12 weeks postpartum my body started feeling normal once again. I was still tender and being intimate was not the same as before but not painful. The constipation was no longer bad and bowel movements were much less painful! I believe you need to mentally prepare to give yourself 12 weeks for your body to begin feeling normal. And quite honestly, for some women, it never is quite the same again.

I was blessed with this pregnancy that once I reached 6 months postpartum I couldn’t even tell I had ever given birth. I felt completely normal and there were no lingering issues, tenderness or discomfort.

When most first time pregnant women think about the postpartum period they are thinking about losing the baby belly! As far as losing the baby weight goes, I followed the wise advise that it takes your body 9 months to grow this baby so give yourself 9 months to lose it. I knew that after I delivered I would still look pregnant and I was okay with that! My belly slowly went down over the first few weeks and then I progressively lost weight due largely to breastfeeding.

I never once worried about losing weight. I knew that in order to keep my milk supply up it was crucial to consume enough calories and for me, breastfeeding was more important than fitting in my pre-pregnancy jeans! I did choose healthy foods and only drank water but I was eating about twice as much as I did during pregnancy to maintain my milk supply!

Even though I was eating more, I did lose weight and at 1 year postpartum, weighed less than I did before getting pregnant! I’m not sharing this to gloat but to dispel another myth that I believed, that pregnancy was going to wreck my body and I’d never be able to fit into the same size I was before getting pregnant!

Tips for the Postpartum Period

• Give yourself time! There really is no magic number for healing but don’t have a number in your head {like 6 weeks} when you think everything will be back to normal!
• Drink plenty of water. This helps with milk supply, easing constipation and a hydrated mama is a happier mama!
• Remember it took 9 months to grow so give yourself 9 months to shrink! Don’t be so hard on yourself, your body just did an amazing thing and there was a person growing inside of you! Focus on the beauty of motherhood and the miracle of birth and your baby instead of your physical beauty!
• Let go of your expectations about intimacy! Again, don’t have a number in your head. Plus you are a sleep deprived, tired mama of a newborn! Don’t rush into things and endure pain, just wait a little longer. After a few months, things should be back to normal and if they’re not and you’re in pain, seek help!

Let’s hear it, Mamas.  What was the most frustrating, painful, or just plain difficult postpartum issue for you?  What tricks and survival tips can you share so no one has to ask Why didn’t Anyone Tell Me?

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Rachel is living the fabulous Frugal and Simple life with her husband and sweet toddler, Paxton.  They are expecting blessing #2 this winter!  Rachel has recently written articles on Feeding Baby on a Budget and Dressing Baby on a Budget. 

Your Postpartum Body is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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If only we’d have known what we were in for with number four.  Oy!  I say that in jest, of course, and honestly I’m not sure how the process would have been different with the support of a doula.  Curiosity gets the best of me, though, and I’d certainly be open to the possibilities if the opportunity ever presented itself again!

The following guest post, answering common questions asked about doulas, is by certified doula, Martha Artyomenko (CD) DONA

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What is a doula?

A doula is a labor support professional who is trained to offer information and comfort measures to women during pregnancy, labor and sometimes even postpartum. She does not offer medical care, but plays a support role for your husband and you, during pregnancy and childbirth.

Won’t the nurses be there for me?

Most nurses are fairly busy with their duties with several patients, and sometimes labors run longer than your favorite nurse’s shift. They will say goodbye, quite cheerily, while studies have shown that a continuous support has reduced labor lengths as well as other many benefits.  A doula will be there from the very itty bitty hours of your beginning labor, until the end. She will check in on you afterwards, and be there to phone for weeks on end later after the birth. She is not only there to support you, coach you on how to get through the discomforts of pregnancy, but also for your husband and family.

Will my husband feel replaced by a doula? Won’t he be enough support for me?

Many husbands are wonderful support for their wives in labor, but often some women do not realize the emotional strain it can put on a husband who is watching the woman he loves the most go through the experience of childbirth. A doula is not just there for the laboring mother, but also the father to be. Often coaching a father on how to support his wife ends up bringing the two of them closer together.  Also, if a husband struggles with labor, but wants to support his wife, a doula will step in and let him be the husband and not have the pressure of coaching her through every step of labor.

I want to have pain medication, so why would I want a doula?

There are many things about pain medication in labor that have pros and cons, but a labor support person has a role to play in a medicated labor as much as an unmedicated labor.  A labor can progress in a smoother way with different positions, encouragement and other support during the labor, even while the mother is feeling no pain, thus reducing the risk of c-section and other interventions.

I don’t have a lot of money, and paying a doula is really out of our budget. Can’t my friend or relative do the same thing for me?

There are some friends and relatives that can do a great job as a labor support person, and this is better than nothing, but there is something to be said for training! A doula undergoes training as well as a lot of constant study on the topic of childbirth, postpartum women, and different stages of pregnancy.  Cost can be an issue for many people, but one thing many people do not know is that many doulas have a sliding scale or offer other forms of payment such as trade.

A doula can be a friend, a confidant. She will set her life aside to be there to answer your questions. She will work very hard to help you to get the birth experience that you desire. Birth has many unexpected twists and turns, some of them beyond your control. A doula can help you to have a more positive experience, no matter what happens.

Martha Artyomenko is a homeschooling mother of four sons and is a certified doula through DONA.  Martha enjoys reading and writing book reviews on her blog in her “free” time.

Have you had the assistance of a doula during pregnancy and labor?  Please share your experience! 

Labor Support with a Doula is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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My son is 9 months old and still primarily breast fed.  I’m out of the house for 10 hours, three days a week for work where I pump my little heart out.  As you can imagine, the girls don’t respond to the pump as well as they do to my son and on the days that we find our freezer stash of breast milk depleted, he’s given formula while we stock back up.

At six months, his pediatrician (who is fantastic and pro-breastfeeding and very encouraging in that regard) gave us the go ahead to start solid foods with him when my husband and I sat down for our regular meals and present a sippy cup with water to not only get him used to the idea of drinking from one but to prevent constipation from the solids.  I have to confess that between playtime, evolving nap and sleep schedules, teething, his first cold and my work schedule, the last few months he’s received solid food on average about once per day.  He just got his first tooth in last week so it’s only been baby food purees so far (some homemade and some not).  And when he’s working hard to push those teeth through his gums, some days his food is just a spoon delivery device.  We’re lucky, I suppose, that he seems to be a professional eater and bounces between bottle, breast, spoon and sippy cup with zero problems.

My question is this: Knowing that it’s best to be breast fed for at least 12 months and that his nutrients and fluids come from breast milk or formula, how consistent have you (or your readers) been when giving their infants solid foods?  Once, Twice, Three times per day?  Not at all?

First of all, I think Jackie knows her stuff, and is fortunate to work with a pro-breastfeeding pediatrician who encouraged the delay of solids until six months.  She’s giving her baby a great start!  There are lots of schools of thought when it comes to feeding our littlest ones, and my own strategies are ever-changing with each new baby.

Our newest baby didn’t get any solids at all until he was six months old, and even then, it was quite sporadic.  Really, whenever there was something on my plate that was soft enough, we’d give it a shot for entertainment purposes.

He’s nearly 11 months old now, and is eating solid foods probably twice a day, plus whenever he discovers leftovers on the floor.    I tried for a long while to avoid grains since they don’t digest particularly well, and never gave him any baby cereal, but I did waive the white flag during our busy ballgame  and travel season and broke out the puffs and little O’s cereal.  I figure I still nurse him all the time, so a few early sanity saving snacks won’t hurt.  (That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.)

I’m a firm believer in not pushing solids until baby is pretty much ready to feed himself.  Perhaps that’s my laziness shining through, but I really have no use for the frustration and the whole mess of it all.  That also may be the result of weary mom syndrome, because looking back in my first-born’s baby albums proves that once upon a new parent time we thought the spitting of cereal to be super cute.

Enough about what works for me.  I know good and well that my own laziness doesn’t have to repeat itself in other families.  By all means, do what works for you!

Ready for a giveaway?

I have a complete set of Dandelion Earth-Friendly Natural Tableware for one of you!

It’s so hard to find utensils that are safe and that we can feel good about when our kids are young. Even with older children, it’s good to have the option of a non breakable plastic alternative plate and bowl.  The tableware is made from corn – no petroleum or plastic at all. They are re-useable and free from BPA, phthalates and PVC. Dandelion’s revolutionary corn plastic requires significantly less fossil resources and generates far fewer greenhouse gases than conventional plastic. And, corn is a renewable and sustainable resource. Best of all, prices are very comparable to plastic products.

Crazy, right?  Tableware made of corn!  What will they think of next?!

The Dandelion Tableware set I received for review is sturdy and pleasing to the eye, in addition to all the positive environmental factors.  If you’re in the process of switching out your dangerous plastics, or if you’re light years ahead of me and have already done so, this is a great set for baby and even toddlers.  I think it would make for a fun, practical baby shower gift, also.

To enter to win a set of Dandelion Natural Tableware, simply participate in the reader question:  How consistent have you been when giving your infants solid foods?  Please share what works or worked for you, not only in the timing of it all, but in what you feed your baby.

Feel free, as always, to earn a couple extra entries by sharing this giveaway on Facebook or Twitter.  Just leave a link back here showing that you did.

Giveaway ends Sunday, July 31, at 11:59 pm, CST.  Winner will be randomly drawn and notified by email. 

Solid Foods for Baby {Reader Question} is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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The following is a guest post from my aunt Margie, who has read and cheered me on through the Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me series, even as her own “babies” are growing up and leaving the nest.  A mother doesn’t forget those early days and years, the adjusting to the new, the unknown.  Life with an infant is only the beginning of many “new normals.”  The lesson here is to get friendly with the adjusting, and prepare to embrace it! 

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“Hey Mom! I’ve decided to go to summer school. I applied for a job in the residence halls. It will pay me a salary and I get my own room and a meal plan. Plus, my scholarship will pay for summer school. What do you think?”

My daughter turned 21 in May. She was the first-born and I had NO idea how difficult it would be to bring home a newborn while trying to recover from a C-section. I was dealing with emotions that come with having a baby plus the frustration of recovering from surgery. I was an emotional mess and I desperately wanted my life to get back to normal.

I still remember the phone call. It was a very dear friend who simply called to check on me. She lived several hours away and wanted to let me know that she was praying for me and would be coming to visit later in the week. During the conversation, I mentioned my desire for life to return to normal.  I still remember her advice as she calmly replied, “Oh, Margie! You need a new normal! “ She was right. The new baby and recovering from surgery was my new normal.

There have been MANY “new normal” experiences since then. The first day of school for each of my children, my parents moving from SE Kansas to a town 10 miles away, sports schedules, returning to grad school to finish my Masters degree, my two oldest graduating from high school, me returning to teaching after being a full-time homemaker for 18 years, and the most recent, my oldest announcing that she was staying on campus for the summer.

The truth is life is full of adjusting to “new normals”. This fall my son moves out to attend college and play baseball for his new school. In four short years my youngest child will graduate high school and leave my husband and me to deal with an empty nest. We simply do not know what lies ahead of us on this journey called life.

You might be wondering just what I said to my daughter during that recent phone conversation. I wanted to scream “No! You are coming home! You will work at the Co-op just like you have for the past several years!” Instead I calmly replied, “Sounds like a great plan! We will miss having you home this summer, but this is a great opportunity for you. I won’t like this change, but I’ll adjust. I will find my new normal!”

What new normal have you had to adjust to recently?  Please share tips to ease the transition!

A New Normal is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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I know that what works for some won’t work for others, and that what I desire for my own births may not be what’s best for you, but the fact is, elective inductions carry some rather scary risks, and I think it’s important that we flesh it out.  The following email nudged me into starting this discussion with all of you.  I can’t wait to hear about your experiences!

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me that inductions can fail? I was 21 and pregnant for the first time and almost two weeks overdue (I knew the week I conceived). When my Midwife suggested induction, I was ready!  I wanted to hold my baby so badly. I was told I was a great candidate for it.

Over the next few days I geared up for the big day and were so excited Sunday at church. 24 hours later I was discharged from the hospital and told that we could try it again in a few days; it had failed horribly. Not only did it fail, but it stressed the baby and myself. I was very sore and feeling really depressed that we still had no baby.

During a non stress test two days later the fetal heart rate dropped to the 90′s and then shot up, I cried knowing something was wrong. I was sent home and told both the baby and myself were fine and not to worry. Luckily I went into labor that evening. The only problem was that the induction stressed the baby and when my water was broke we realized there was meconium. Now to just say that it was there doesn’t mean much, it was really thick and dark and my Midwife didn’t tell me until my mother-in-law asked.

My daughter never received medication.  We did face breathing issues the following day that resolved on their own.  I will skip the rest to say that we were blessed by God and now have a beautiful and perfectly healthy four month old daughter that is well ahead of the curve. I felt like such a fluke when all of this happened, but since the birth of my daughter I have talked to quite a few other women to find that they had similar stories and feelings.

First, I want to make it perfectly clear that there is a time and place for medical intervention, including induction, when it comes to safely birthing babies. I am so grateful to live in a day and age when mamas and babies can be well monitored, and life-saving measures are available when necessary.

That’s not what we’re talking about today.  It’s the when necessary that I have issues with.

The fact of the matter is that God designed your body to give birth to that baby, and God has written that baby’s story, including his or her birth date. Due dates mean very little when it comes to birthing babies.

“We don’t want that baby to get too big, now, do we?”  Hogwash.  My own sister-in-law (I hope she doesn’t mind me saying this!) has given birth vaginally, without pain medication, five times to some rather large babies.  Her first, if I remember right, weighed 9 pounds 13 ounces and was 2 weeks “overdue”.  Her sixth was due April 24 this year and took her sweet time coming, arriving May 14.  Naturally. (But yes, they were prepared to induce that very day.)  She’s my birthing hero!

Elective induction is one when the doctor and/or patient choose to start labor artificially, for any reason other than a medical necessity. As with any medical procedure, there are risks to consider, and I’m simply not convinced that the risks are worth the “convenience” or whatever other elective reason someone may want that baby outta there.  Some risks of induction (elective or not) are

• An increased risk of cesarean birth.  (double or more!)
• If the cervix isn’t ready, the chance for cesarean birth may be even higher.
• A longer labor and an increase in the use of vacuum or forceps for delivery.
• Stress on the baby, resulting in heart rate problems and/or meconium issues (as in the reader note above)

Before the haters come out, please remember… I’m not an always or never kind of girl.  I know women have their reasons for choosing to induce, and I’ve even read a success story or two!    I just think it’s important to know the risks and ask yourself if the risk is worth it.  Am I really that miserable?  Is the baby really gonna be in there forever?  Is it really that important for the baby to be born on this or that special day?

As always, I would love to hear about your experiences and your respectful opinions.  My favorite thing about this series is our interaction in the comments! So, what do you think about elective induction?  Have you had one?  Would you do it?  Under what circumstances?

Elective Induction is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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Just yesterday I received the following question:

Do you or any of your followers have ideas for a care package to give to a friend that is on bed rest in the hospital with her twin boys at 25 weeks? Not sure what a mother-to-be would like to have with her for the hospital stay.

What a friend, right?!

I’ve not been there, but here are a few ideas off the top of my head:

• magazines
• lotion
• manicure kit
• favorite music or dvd
• photo frame for a sonogram picture (motivation by the bedside)
• simple bouquet of flowers
• devotional for moms
• fresh fruit or other favorite snacks

Those of you who have been there, and all other creative types, what do you recommend?  What would be nice to have in the hospital (or even at home) while on bed rest?

Find more of the Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me? series here.

Bed Rest During Pregnancy {Reader Question} is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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The last few Why didn’t anyone tell me? posts have pretty much been questions.  Questions that, quite frankly, are impossible to answer correctly, because the correct answer is different for everyone!

• When is the best time to start a family?
• What is the ideal child spacing?
• Is it safe to get pregnant after 35?

Weighty matters, there, and we’re not quite done yet.  Let’s hash out one more big one.

Should I have another baby (or two)?

No, we’re not answering this for me. We’re answering this for you.  For the young mom overwhelmed with her two under two.  For the exasperated mom who sent her 7 and 5 year old boys to their rooms for the umpteenth time today.  For the mom who is worried about how they’ll provide for the one they already have.  For the mom who likes the idea of a large family, but is getting through the days with a six-month-old on a wing and a prayer.

For the mom who is perfectly content (right now) with the ease and portability and independence of two or three out of diapers.

For the mom who longs to inhale the scent of a freshly bathed newborn, but isn’t sure she’s up for more sleepless nights.

Once again, there are no right answers.  I can only speak for my own family.

Are we finished having children? Two girls, two boys.  Four healthy children after three years of infertility.  The tears come when I count those blessings!  We are beyond blessed with our little family.  Yes, I said little.  You remember how desperately we prayed for our fourth.

Four doesn’t seem like a large number to me.  Loud, obnoxious, tiring.  Yes. All that.  But large?  Not really.  (My mom is third of 10.  My dad is fifth of five.  Lance and I are both first of four.)  I hold fast to my theory that the greatest gift we give our children, aside from our strong marriage, is their siblings!

So, will we have more? I don’t know. Right at this very moment I would say probably not.  We are “old.”  We are tired.  Our lives are full.  We have four amazing, healthy children.  We’d like to take those four amazing, healthy children on a vacation or two before they turn 18.  In my world, vacations and babies don’t mix.  There are all sorts of (trivial) reasons to be done.

But, are we really done? I don’t know. I do know that after crying out to God for three solid years, after begging his mercy and receiving his miracles four times over, we refuse to say “Thanks, God.  We’re done now.  And just in case your divine will is different, we’ll go ahead and take control of the situation.  Because we know better.  Have a nice day!  Oh, and please send rain.”  Yeah, that doesn’t work for us.

So, what’s the ideal family size? I don’t know. (Impressing you with my wisdom today, I know. )  I do believe that those of you on the fence about having another will never ever regret that child if you are so blessed.  Will you regret not trying for another?  I don’t know.

As far as small families go, I do have one story to share.  A friend of mine was out and about with her two sweet girls, probably about ages 3 and 1 at the time.  A nice elderly gentleman approached her, complimented her on the girls, and said something to the effect of “Your girls are beautiful.  They grow up so fast.  I know you’re busy now and your life is full, but your dinner table will someday seem awfully quiet with just two.  You should have more.”

No, she was not offended in any way.  When she told me the story I nearly cried picturing that little old man at a quiet dinner table.  I want the crazy.  Bring on the chaos!  But, I know, the chaos isn’t for everyone.  And as we’ve gently reminded ourselves in the other posts, the control isn’t always ours.  “Why don’t you have more children?” can be just as rude as “Are they all yours?!” Compassion, friends.  We know not all the why’s.

Knowing there are no hard and fast answers, chime in, will you?  Have you achieved the perfect (for you) family size?  If you are 100% finished, no way no how going to have more children, how did you know?  And oh, I would be delighted if some of my more mature readers who have raised or nearly raised their families would chime in.  Do you have any regrets?  Wish you would have had more?  Do tell!

When to Say When is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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I’ve so enjoyed the discussions generated on our last two topics, Ideal Child Spacing, and When to Start a Family, that when a reader emailed the following question, I offered to ask it here.  This, again, may be a difficult subject for some, but I think there is much value in getting perspective from many different angles, and that is what my readers have to offer!

I am now 35, and had two healthy and happy pregnancies and boys at age 30 and 32 (almost 33).  I want number three!  My husband is on the fence.  Thirty-five means high risk is an OB’s book.  I would be late 35 or 36 when I have a baby.  On one hand we want a third, but I get scared of the risks of birth defects as they increase with age.  I would love a baby however God created it, but a special needs child would change our family and what we could give time-wise to our boys.

Are we greedy by wanting a third at age 35/36, and should we just count our blessings as they are?  I know there were risks when I was 30 and 32 too, but for some reason the 35 scares me more.  So I have to ask, because you’ve divulged your age on the blog a few times, and I think you were about 35 when had your fourth and 36 shortly thereafter.  Did you think about the risks before getting pregnant or just knew you wanted a fourth and trusted in God that he wouldn’t give you more than you can handle?  Did you think, there are risks and we’re willing to take that chance?

I am otherwise healthy and not overweight, but the dr said those things don’t even matter with chromosonal birth defects — it’s solely based on age.  I knew I wanted a third and in retrospect should have tried last summer but with our youngest 1 1/2 at the time life/the house was still too crazy, or so I thought at the time.  Thanks for any insight!

Such a great question, and one I feel completely and totally unqualified for!  Here are my thoughts, anyway:

• Our fourth baby was born just 2 1/2 months shy of my 36th birthday.  When we got married just after I turned 24, our plan was to have 4 children by the time I turned 30.  God had other plans.
• I honestly never once thought of the birth defect issue when trying for our much prayed for #4 (or any of our other children, for that matter).  Which, looking back, is quite surprising, because I tend to be a worrier.  The thought just didn’t occur to me, and I’m glad I didn’t have those concerns.
• Count your blessings as they are?  Yes.  Absolutely.  But…
• No, I do not think you are greedy at all.  Children are a blessing, whenever they come and however perfectly God chooses to form them. On a personal note, we still felt strongly incomplete with “just” two children, but I know that we are very much in the minority with that.  (again… another post for another day)
• I don’t know the statistics, but would concerns about chromosomal defects prevent us from trying for another child?  Most likely not.  And definitely not as much as being exhausted from the four we already have would. 

Your turn, readers.  Again, I know this is a touchy subject.  I know that some of you are blessed beyond your wildest dreams with beautiful, perfect children who may have a chromosomal defect in the world’s eyes.  I also know that those of you who generously share your thoughts and perspectives in this discussion will do so gracefully, and I thank you.

Pregnancy after 35 is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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1) don’t count on it happening or not happening as you plan it, and

2) children are a blessing whenever they come!

This week’s question is a continuation of those thoughts:  Is there an ideal child spacing?

Again, this is a highly personal question, and there are certainly no “right” answers!

My own story:  When our first-born was nine months old, we got pregnant with our second.  I was a little nervous about having children just 18 months apart, but we were so excited that it happened quickly this time after dealing with infertility for three years before our first was conceived.

Eleven weeks into that pregnancy, we miscarried the baby.

At that moment, it didn’t matter if the children were 18 months or 10 months or 2 days apart.  We were mourning the loss of our baby.  That experience sold me on the thought that there is no right spacing of children.

Our four children are 27 months apart, 23 months apart, and 3+ years apart.  I will say that for me, I prefer the 2 year distance over the 3 year distance.  Although it was kind of nice to have that extra year of routine and sleep and freedom before adding a new baby, it was also an extra year to be out of the baby routine.

We’ve adjusted just fine and certainly wouldn’t have it any other way, but most definitely felt the “jolt” of a new baby more with #4 than we did with any of the others.

On the flip side, I’m sure we would have adapted to closer spacing if that’s what God gave us, but my hat tips to my friends with 4 children 6 and under.  My own mother had all four of us in less than 5 years.  Whew!  I’m not sure if I have the energy for that.    And physically, I think it would take quite a toll on Mama’s body!

Speaking of Mama’s body, I don’t have the stats handy, but there is research about frequency of miscarriage and premature birth linked to super-close child spacing.  A little rest between children is likely not a bad thing.

What about you?  Do you wish you would have tried to space your children differently?  What would you tell a newly-married couple about child spacing?  What do you wish someone would have told you?

Ideal Child Spacing is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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