*******

I didn’t plan on getting married.

I didn’t plan on having children.

After meeting my husband and realizing that he was The One, I soon came to realize that we’d have a family together. We wanted to have a family together.

I planned on being a working mother, not ever believing that I’d want to stay home and wipe butts and entertain babies all day long.

And then my baby was born.

I spent three months crying over the fact that I’d have to leave her to return to work. I couldn’t fathom how I’d manage to part with this tiny person who depended on me, whom I loved so deeply. I couldn’t imagine how I’d bear to spend my days a mile away from her when I couldn’t bear to sleep in a different room from her at night.

To make matters worse, I am a public high school teacher. I wrestled with the fact that I was abandoning my own child every day in order to take care of other people’s children.

The guilt and sadness grew. I cried every day as I drove from the day care to my school.

Every single day.

I begged my husband to help me find a way to quit working. He said it wasn’t possible. We sought marital counseling because my resentment for him grew along with my sadness and guilt.

Finally, I resigned myself to be a working mother for the duration.

Once Grace was old enough to talk, I understood that she loved her day care and that she looked forward to seeing her teachers and her friends. It became a little easier to go to work each day.

Through her second and third years in day care, my emotions ebbed and flowed. Some days and weeks were harder, and some were easier. I never felt like I was doing the right thing, and, as Amy pointed out so brilliantly, my career became just a job. My master’s degree became a burden; student loan payments were among the bills keeping me at work.

We planned to be a family of three.

No more children were in our future, and we had only two years of day care to pay for before Grace would head off to elementary school.

Even though my heart wasn’t in it, teaching seemed like the perfect job. I’d get out of work each day around the same time that Grace would get out of school; even though the end of summer is hard, we’d still have summers together.

And then I turned up pregnant.

It took a long while to accept the idea.

Once I accepted it, however, and really started to picture what our future was going to look like, I realized that we couldn’t afford day care for two children. It’s impossible.

We started looking at our bank accounts and our budget. We can’t afford to lose my income, and we can’t afford to pay for day care.

It would seem logical, I suppose, for my husband to stay home with our children. Logical, but not practical. He’s not the mom. He has neither the patience nor the skill to wrangle a baby and a preschooler for any period of time.

Plus, I want nothing more than to be at home with my children.

Nothing.

So, that’s where we are. I’m back at work, at least until the baby is born (I carry our health insurance.). My husband is looking for a new job – one with medical benefits and better pay. He hasn’t found one yet.

I have faith. I believe that my intense desire to stay home is coming from the Lord, and I believe that He will provide me with a means to stay home.

I’m feeling a little anxious while I wait for it to happen.

Tara is a wife and mom who has been publishing Feels Like Home since 2007. She writes a variety of posts: food and cooking tips, craft ideas, and a myriad of parenting (mis)adventures help make readers’ lives easier – or at least make them laugh along the way.

You can learn more about Tara at Feels Like Home.

One Mama’s Heart is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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I’ve heard this one a lot.  It goes right along with “You’re so lucky to be at home” and “There’s no way we could afford for me to stay home with my children.”

Why didn’t anyone tell me I’d want to stay home with my baby?

I know that in this day and age, it seems quite impossible for mom to stay home.  In fact, many couples never think twice about mom quitting her job, assuming that having a baby will fit seamlessly into their busy work schedules and life will carry on as is.

Until that precious life enters the world and crazy baby love trumps all else.

Truth is, many people are waiting a few years (by choice or not!) before they have children.  During that time, they get used to living a two-income lifestyle.  They don’t know any different.  The house is purchased (with a mortgage),  the vehicles are being driven (on a loan), the money is already spent.

You know how I feel about Mom Coming Home, if she wants to. Yes, there are circumstances where it just isn’t possible, but I also know enough people happily making it happen (without a lot of money!) to believe that careful planning and sacrifice can net you full-time baby-time.

Maybe you are of the rare variety who planned for full-time parenting all along.  You’ve been smart about your money and lived frugally on one income even when you didn’t have to. Kudos to you!

As for the rest of you?  Here’s what you may not know.  Even if you, like Connie, are used to living in The House that Two Incomes Built,

I began to think of Romans 12:2 “…do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” What did that mean? Obviously “conforming to this world” is something to be guarded against and not to be desired. Yet, we looked exactly like “this world” with our big house, double income, and paid childcare.

you might be able to happily abandon that house for a home.

This is where we live now. In this house, we have brought home 3 new babies, fed and lodged drug addicts, convicted felons, one complete stranger who needed food and rest while she was on her way to visit her son in prison, and many friends and relatives.  It’s the most beautiful home I have ever known.

Have you made drastic changes in your lifestyle to stay home with your baby(ies)?  I’d love to hear your story!

Catch up on the Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me? series, and let me know a topic you’d like to hear more about!

Planning to Stay Home with Baby is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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Gracious.  Encouraging.  Enthusiastic.  That’s you! Thank you, thank you for riding along the Mommy, Come Home journey with me!  I started this series in June, after much prayer and counsel from friends.  It was with trepidation that I wrote the first post, carefully choosing my words so that no mom would feel bad about doing what’s best for her family.

Your response has been tremendous.  From my guest writers, to those of you who left thoughtful comments and questions that inspired more post topics, to those of you who promoted the series in any way.  Thank you!

Just in case you missed any posts, or would like to have them all in one place, here you go.

• Introduction
• My Story
• Get on Board
• The Cost of Working
• A Solid Beginning
• Hire Yourself
• Learning to Live on One Income
• It’s Not Just About the Money
• A Leap of Faith
• Choosing Your Lifestyle
• What are Your Talents?
• A Little Extra
• What do You do All Day?
• The Entertainer
• Stay the Course
• Productivity
• Gratitude for the Veteran SAHM
• Caring for a Parent
• Are You Listening?
• Embrace Your Life as Mom
• On Purpose
• What do You Say?

To celebrate the end of Mommy, Come Home, I have an exciting giveaway to share.  I’ve been enjoying Rachel Campos-Duffy’s book Stay Home, Stay Happy: 10 Secrets to Loving At-Home Motherhood.  When I contacted her publisher, they agreed to give three books to my readers!

There are two ways to win. (Yes, you can do both!)

1. Link up with your at-home story.  (One book will go to a Mr. Linky participant.)
2. Leave a comment about being a mom (not just SAHMs!) or a comment related to the series.  (Two books will be reserved for commentors.)

Now it’s your turn.  What is your story? How did you come home?  What are your days like?  What are your biggest trials and most exciting triumphs?  Mr. Linky will be open all week for you to share your story.  Winners will be chosen by Random.org on Sunday, October 11 at 8:00 PM CST.

Mommy, Come Home: Your Turn (with a Giveaway) is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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If you haven’t seen the look or received the (sometimes) well-intended comments, you will.  “You’re so lucky to be at home.”  “It must be nice.”

How do you respond?

Me?  Sometimes I really want to launch into a litany of all the material things we’ve sacrificed to keep me at home.  Let the questioner know how hard it is some days to feel that all I am good for is wiping noses and bottoms.  Preach about motherhood being the most important job in all the world and “What’s so important about your job or your lifestyle that keeps you away from home?”

Oh, but I don’t.  I know better.

Here’s the thing.  I don’t know your story. Or her story.  Or the story of the mama with the fashionable clothes and professional manicure who thinks I’m so lucky. I don’t know her struggles, her uncertainties.  I don’t know.

And that’s okay.

What do I know? I know that I am blessed to be the wife of the man of my dreams and the mother of three precious children.  I know that on paper it looks like we couldn’t make it on one teaching salary, but we thrive.  I know that the sacrifice is worth it.  I know there is no place I’d rather be and nothing I’d rather do.  I know that life is too short to worry about what everyone else says and thinks and feels about what works for our family.

When I saw this post from Crystal, I knew it was perfect for the Mommy, Come Home series.  Her words should speak to all of us.

If you constantly seek for this world to value you, you will always be left feeling disappointed and empty. But there is someone who values you as more than just a number.  God loves you, and values you…   He sees you as His beautiful creation that He wants to cherish and nurture.  No matter what you have done, or do now, you have value, and are absolutely the most precious thing God ever made.  When you accept this, you become more than a number.  You are not longer defined by what you are, but by who you are in the Lord.

Ladies, let’s support and not judge.  Encourage, and not tear down.  Your profession doesn’t matter; your heart does.  Love on your family in the best way you know how, and let’s all call it a day.

*** Is your Mommy, Come Home story ready?  I’m wrapping this up soon.  Very soon.  Be ready to link up with your Stay-at-Home Mommy trials, triumphs, transitions, or questions.  Anything goes, as long as it’s positive.  There’s a giveaway involved.  Be prepared!***

This post is linked to Works for Me Wednesday and Family Friday.

Mommy, Come Home: What do You Say? is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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A few weeks ago I left a comment on AmyLynne’s post about setting up her classroom:

I shouldn’t have clicked over here. I loved getting my classroom ready every year. Such promise in a bright, clean classroom!

It wasn’t until she replied to my comment that I realized I was fighting the “grass is always greener” mentality:

I like getting it ready too, but I would really love to be able to stay home for the boys.  Enjoy your time with your babies!

I loved my students and enjoyed setting up my classroom, but my family… they are everything to me.  My home?  I should care for it as though it is a palace.

Funny how God works.  Just as I was deep in thought about caring for my home and family and how I could give my home the bright, full-of-promise atmosphere that I used to strive for in each year’s new classroom, I ran across this post in my Google Reader.  I’m grateful that Lylah agreed to share it with you.

…I want to address (again) how vital a woman’s attitude is toward her home and her husband and toward her role.

Unfortunately, so many women have had NOTHING biblical modeled. It was my generation (sorry girls) who left the home in mass. We were a bunch of angry women who left our homes to pursue something we thought would actually be more fulfilling. What we left was a mess. I’ll write more about the mess we left on another day.

A woman’s attitude toward her home front is just about everything. What you think about what your role is and what God says about it matters.

About eighteen years ago, I realized that I’d torn my house down…  I didn’t understand my role. I didn’t understand how to Create Sanctuary or any of the Simple Home Principles. Today I do. I am passionate about them – ask the girls I face-to-face disciple.

God’s grace and truth got a hold of my heart and He directed my steps to be on-purpose to rebuild my home front. I did these three things:

A – I Assessed my home front (marriage, parenting, home keeping skills)
B – I Become Biblical
C – I recognized God’s heart for Character over Convenience

I know from the letters that I receive that many of my readers are in the same boat that I was eighteen years ago. Whether or not that’s you, here’s your Lylah Assignment for the Day

Your Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper Assignment (I am a teacher, ya know.) is to journal. Do the best you can. I know you are ALL very, very busy moms. At least read through the questions and hear God’s heart toward you about them.

Assess your home front. Where are you doing well and where do you need to grow in those three main areas?

Journal your answers to these questions:
What is the condition of my home? Is it a mess – clutter every where? Is there peace, unity, harmony?

Are there unresolved conflicts? Am I bitter about unresolved hurts from the past? Do I with hold sex from my husband or use it to manipulate him? Do I have a list of excuses as to why I can’t/don’t want to make love? More on this one later.

Head over to Lylah’s Blog to read the rest of her journaling questions.  I think I might try to answer one or two during my morning quiet time, to help me put purpose to my day.

On purpose. That’s what it’s all about.  No matter your situation, position, job… be on purpose. Play with your children on purpose.  Cook your meals on purpose.  Make your bed on purpose.  Smile at your husband on purpose.  If you are working outside the home, be proud of what you are doing for your family and do it on purpose.  God gave you that job for a reason.

I think if we all just breathe some gratitude into our actions and put some purpose in our days we’ll be more at peace with where God has us, right now.

** One, maybe two more posts in the Mommy, Come Home series and then it’s your turn to tell your stories.  Get them ready!  And… I have an awesome giveaway planned.  Three winners!

This post is linked to

• Gratituesday
• Works for Me Wednesday
• Your Life, Your Blog

Mommy, Come Home: On Purpose is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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I loved my teaching job, and I think I was pretty good at it.  The money (as far as teaching jobs go) was good, and I knew I was making a difference in the lives of many, many students.  My transition from full-time to part-time-with-baby to stay-at-home mom took as long as it did, in part, because I was uneasy with the thought of giving up that part of me.

Of course I was everything to my baby (and my hubby)   but would that be enough?  What about making a difference in the world?  What about using my college education?  Couldn’t I have it all?!

I am thrilled to share with you an eloquent, insightful post from Jessica. Jessica’s blog, Life as MOM, is dedicated to all aspects of motherhood.  I was encouraged and inspired by her story, and I know you will be too!

Many moons ago, I was a teenage girl, dreaming of a career in law or journalism. I pictured myself in blazer, skirt, and high heels racing up the steps of City Hall…  I didn’t need anybody…

…God did a work in my life and in my heart during my senior year of high school…

…I went to college and spent a lot of time looking for Mr. Right…  Thankfully, I didn’t run around with too many Mr. Wrongs before I found him. But, before I got too serious, I needed to go to France, my life’s dream. Then I decided to ditch law or the press and pursue teaching…

…I wanted to have teaching experience. I wanted to get tenure. I wanted…  I dunno what. To prove myself? To earn the respect and approval of others? Looking back, I don’t know why I ever dragged my feet into motherhood…

…The school district awarded me tenure and a one year’s leave of absence just days after FishBoy was born… But, at the end of that year, we decided that we were in it for the long haul. I “retired” from public school teaching and haven’t looked back…

…I want to encourage those moms who might wonder, who might struggle, who might need to be encouraged to embrace “life as MOM.” Particularly, a mom at home…

…The last twelve years have passed in a blink of an eye. My baby is now in seventh grade and five siblings are following in his footsteps. I have a Master’s Degree. I have the education and earning potential to do other things. But, this is where I want to be. This is where I believe God has called me to be…

…Our culture wrongly places emphasis on paychecks and status. You have to fight this thinking. My identity is in Christ. I am a wife to an amazing man and a mother to amazing children. What I do with my days comes second to that, whether I’m presenting a law brief or changing a diaper…

There is so much more to Jessica’s post, I was quite tempted to publish it in full!  Head on over to read more about how Jessica embraces her Life as MOM.

Did you (do you?) suffer from an identity crisis when you left work to stay at home?  How did you cope?

This post is linked to Family Friday.

Mommy, Come Home: Embrace Your Life as MOM is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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Sometimes God whispers.  Sometimes he speaks loud and clear.  It’s not so much about His communication, but ours.  Do we listen?

Thankfully, I cannot relate to Jennifer’s situation. We are blessed with a fantastic tiny public school where our daughter is safe and happy.  I share Jennifer’s story because the message is to listen and obey.  I have difficulty with that sometimes!

“Mom, they’re gonna beat me up tomorrow on the playground.”

“Who is gonna beat you up tomorrow?”

“Those boys. All five of them. They said so.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing Mom. They just don’t like me.”

******************************

…You would have thought that by now I would have listened to the still small voice in the back of my head telling me it was time to leave the workforce and come home and take care of my family. But I didn’t. I had a solution that would still allow me to work and the kids would be safe…

…Can I just say that when we do not heed God’s calling for our lives, He will put things in our path that will either make us into what He wants or it will break us…

…When Robert entered the 6th grade at the private school, he was so excited. It was a fresh start to make new friends and really get into his studies. Neither one of us knew that this would be the year that would break both of us physically and mentally…

…God spoke to my heart again for about the fifteenth time in the last few months about staying home and homeschooling and this time I was all ears…

…It hasn’t always been easy. I have wanted to give up myself on the hard days–the days when I didn’t understand how to explain something to him. But I have to trust in the fact that God has called me to this ministry–a ministry in caring for my family, nurturing and loving them. He has called me to help my husband train them and raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord…

…Both of our children are now thriving and learning machines! I am so thankful that I finally listened to God. The sad thing is; I think about all the heartache I could have saved my son from had I listened to God as he entered first grade. It is important to always listen and do what God is calling you to do. Even if you do not think it is possible, with God all things are possible to those who believe.

Click over to Jennifer’s blog to read the rest of her story.

It’s not about whether you homeschool or send your kids out the door for school.  It’s not even about whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a working-outside-the-home mom.  It’s all about listening, and doing what’s best for YOUR family.  That’s something we can all strive for.

Mommy, Come Home: Are You Listening? is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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Families make the decision for Mom to stay home for many reasons. For Susie, her children weren’t the only ones who needed her. Read on…

I was working a job that I absolutely hated. It was bad for my self-esteem and bad for my spirit but it was a paycheck that we needed. When I got pregnant with my youngest, neither one of us could stand having her in daycare. It was clear that one of us would have to stay home. Since my husband made more and I already hated my job, I volunteered to do it.

So, the plan became that when she started preschool, I would find a part-time job for sanity and finances. Well, I couldn’t find a job that would work for us, so I started to dabble on the Internet. I ran a wine-pairing site for a full year and I was really enjoying it and making a little money until it happened. My mother got sicker.

She has been sick her whole life. It started off with rheumatic fever when she was a girl and has ranged from gal bladder problems, to breast cancer to open-heart surgery. Then, she hit a bout of sickness that had her in and out of the hospital (3 times between Thanksgiving and Christmas). I finally said enough is enough and I took over. She needed care giving and I needed the money, so she became my part time job.

Balancing life as a wife/mother/caregiver has not been easy. Everyone has had to make adjustments. My mother had to give up her independence. My MiL watched my youngest when I had to take my mother to doctor’s appointments (at least once a week). My husband had to become increasingly supportive. And me…I had to learn how to relax.

Apparently, I had been so busy taking care of everyone else, I forgot to take care of me and my blood pressure skyrocketed. I learned to meditate and slow down. It is interestingly backwards. I told everyone that I had too much to do to slow down. However, if you slow down, you actually get more done. You live in the moment more and you make fewer mistakes so, you don’t have to backtrack as much. I haven’t mastered it yet but I work on it everyday.

So there you have it: how I got to where I am today. It has taken a lot of shuffling, a tremendous amount of organization and a lot of patience. Care giving can be paired with parenting, if all the pieces are in place.

Kudos to Susie for making tough situation into something that works for her family. That’s what it’s all about, right? Be sure to visit Susie’s Homemade for a taste of all things home.

I’m curious. Are any of my other readers sandwiched between parenting and taking care of your own parents? How do you make that work for your family?

Mommy, Come Home: Caring for a Parent is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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…By their good example they must teach the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, chaste, busy at home…

Titus 2:  4, 5

Today I am grateful for veteran moms.  For all moms who care for the needs of their family in whatever way they are called to do.  This looks different for all of us, but I am especially grateful for those who are unashamed to be at home, who embrace their work and are willing to teach others about the value of home and family.

Last weekend’s post, Stay the Course, struck a chord with many of you.  As I said before, staying at home even after the kids are in school is something my husband and I are currently pondering.  Provided our third child will forever be our youngest (and we are fervently praying that she will not be), I’ve got only 3 years before all of my children are in school.  Then what?!

Society says “Go back to work.”  We say, “I am working, and what I’m doing is more valuable to our family than an outside income would be.” So much to think about, and I’m thankful for women like Liz who are willing to share their story to help moms like me sort it all out!

…I am what Amy considers a “Veteran” SAHM, because my boys are all in school. I don’t by any means have it all figured out, but I will share what works for us…

…I worked up until our first son was born, quit my job and stayed home. I wish I could say that I came home and never looked back, never wondered if I had made the right decision…

…I wish I could tell you that it was an easy decision to stay home or continue to stay home. I think the major decision to consider is, what is best for you and your family. I have continued to stay home (with the exception of a few part-time jobs here and there over the years) because it works best for our family…

…it has been tough, really tough.  We have done without alot, although the boys have everything they need (and most of what they want).  We have discovered over the years, that we spend what we make. The more we make, the more we spend…

…what in the world do I do all day with the house to myself?  Well, with 3 boys and my husband, you can imagine the chores I have…

…I (also) do a lot of cooking and baking for my middle son’s football/basketball or baseball teams (whichever season it is), help with the concession stand, sewing torn uniforms and selling team apparel. I also volunteer at my youngest son’s school some.  And after all that is done, I help my husband with his part-time landscaping jobs, pulling weeds and maintaining flower beds. If that wasn’t enough, I also sew bags and totes that I sell on Etsy and do a little baking for extra cash here and there. And of course I can’t forget my blog! I cook, bake, decorate, write and post for Hoosier Homemade….

…The largest impact that I think I make by being home and saving money, is having the time to cook, bake and grocery shop.  I know from experience over the years, that when I’m too busy to meal plan, shop and cook, we end up going out to eat and spending more money than we should…

…even though I don’t bring in a paycheck, I work really hard at my job.  I cut our budget where possible by cooking from scratch, watching the deals, signing up for freebies, and couponing…

…Everyday I work to “Make Our House a Home.”

Be sure to visit Liz at Hoosier Homemade and read the rest of her story.

*** I’m trying hard to wrap up the Mommy, Come Home series in the next few weeks.  Please remember, at the end of the series I will put Mr. Linky up so that all of you can share your SAHM story.  The sacrifices, the rewards, the trenches, the concerns… we want to read it!***

This post is linked to Gratituesday.

Mommy, Come Home: Gratitude for the Veteran SAHM is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

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Schedule.  Routine.  Do you have them?  Do you embrace them?

In my ever-present quest to get organized, I’ve found that having a schedule and following a routine is a lifesaver!  As a stay-at-home-mom, though, it’s not only the “we have to be here at this time” type of  appointments that need to be remembered.

There is so much to do in a day.  I am my own worst enemy when it comes to productivity with my time.  If I’m organized and start tackling the important things in the morning, I have a much better day.

As a work-at-home-mom, Alyssa, from Life From My Laptop, provides helpful tips and guidance on making each day productive.

…Most everyone I know asks me “How do you do everything that you do?”…

…Scheduling, routines and being organized are three of my answers, the other two are prayer and faith…

…It took me quite some time to determine a schedule that “worked” for me and my family.  This schedule also changes during certain times of the year such as “summer” or “Christmas vacation”, and I must be flexible enough to realize that…

…routine helps me to “function” and get things done.  My afternoon routine involves housework, time with the kids and a bit more work time…

…Finally, staying organized is another key to productivity, such as:

• having a system for bill paying,
• a system for menu planning,
• a set grocery day,

and other similar things is how I am able to manage a household, a ministry, and a few online businesses…

…The decision to be a stay at home mom is one that I will never regret taking, no matter how hard I must work to make it all work.  Even though you’re a stay at home mom doesn’t mean you can’t have a schedule.  It can make you feel much more productive and in control…

More productive and in control. If that’s what a little organization (and follow-through) can do for me, I’m all for it! Be sure read the rest of Alyssa’s post to find out her morning routine philosophy for getting things done.

When are you most productive? Me… I need to get going early in the morning.  The more I can have done by noon (supper included) the better!

Linking to

• Tackle it Tuesday at 5 Minutes for Mom

Mommy, Come Home: Productivity is a post from: The Finer Things in Life

Thank you for subscribing to The Finer Things in Life! Click here to get your New Year's Time Capsule Survey for Kids